"Andrew Paine & his little-known chum Ricardo Youngster have released a tape! A REAL old-skool DIY tape wot looks it woz made it in a skool for a project to please Miss! Except Miss has had to go home with a suspected borderline mind-aneurysm after she put it on the tape player, like REALLY freakin' loud cause it started all quiet like, then transformed into a load of whacked-out screeing frequency manipulation & lo-fi feedback. Then she started screaming as the distorshun became, like, really evil-loud, like some doom style sludge nightmare. Miss had to cover her ears even harder but then blood and bits of brain started spurting horribly from between her fingers and then she kollapsd all over the floor and we laughed then we got a bit consurned. So we rang Mr Bowers the music teech. He came along & giggled and said he'd sent it to Miss as a joke but it may have backfired. "It's not like this all the way through kids, if you persist it gets real churchy, but in a Satan kind of way" he then said. "But Mr Bowers.." we replied "We're all scared now, what do we do?"..... "There is nothing you can do, children" he solemnly intoned. "You're all damned to hell now". So I'm actually afraid to go home this evening, just in case my Mum & Dad have turned into demonic wolves...." (Brian... at Norman Records)
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